My Ballet Teacher Was Right
Meet JoyBoy The Clown
Photographer unknown. Photo taken during JoyBoy’s set during Kiss My Face (January 2024)
Note: I wrote this and brought forth this character to get some things off my chest… this story is completely true. Enjoy. Or cry… or laugh… whichever emotion you go towards first :)
Character: JoyBoy The Clown, a red nose alter ego that is wrought with a bit of rage, sadness, and disillusionment. They wear very chic (or messy) red nose clown makeup that gets smeared off with makeup wipes by the end of this monologue to reveal who is hidden under the mask.
JoyBoy is on stage dancing to a sort of distorted music. As the music starts to fade out into a distorted scratch, JoyBoy gets into a dramatic pose facing upstage.
Cue spotlight or special
JoyBoy turns around and walks downstage to reach the mic.
You know… my ballet teacher was right. After she yelled at me and the two other Black girls for being a lil late to class, she scolded us in front of everyone and then brought us into her office one by one to scold us some more. She finished with me by saying that I would never ever ever be a ballet dancer. Awwwwwww…
Gestures to the audience for them to say “AW” back
AwwwwWWW is right! I was devastated!!!!!!!!
So, my patron of the arts-I mean- my father came into the office and was like, “So, why am I paying all this money for her to not be a ballet dancer?” Her response?
“Well she’d be a great modern dancer!”
Bullshit.
JoyBoy starts to wipe makeup off their face.
She never once saw me do modern dance. I had never once hit a contraction until I had sex with a woman for the first time and that was YEARS from this point. And by the way, you can’t just spend every single day training in ballet and then somehow be really good at modern dance. I know Sara Mearns thinks that she can do this but it's a whole entirely different technique with its own set of values and aesthetics! Whatever moving on…
I took all of this commotion as a sign of good ole fashion racism, which considering the dancers she did prop up and put front and center for the Spring Concert (they weren’t good… like at all) yes she was racist! I know my turnout and feet weren’t the best, but dammit when it’s time to perform imma PERFORM!
Unfortunately, for literally everyone who was to be in contact with me for the next 10 years, this one moment in time would grant me an unsustainable amount of external motivation with the sole purpose of proving her wrong while also providing me with a very hungry desire to find approval in white dominating spaces. It’s almost as if my upbringing in respectability politics did not, in fact, help me or my social development as a Black person. Who would have thought!
But she was ALSO right about me. She is racist AND I was not gonna amount to being a ballerina.
Nuance!
I wasn’t flexible enough, skinny enough, nor good enough to do ballet which kind of broke my heart cause I really wanted to be famous for being that one Black girl in that one lily white ballet company; sad, depressed and alone...
My ballet teacher was right…
I did end up doing contemporary dance which, unfortunately, because I can’t keep my “radical” mouth shut, I probably ruined some opportunities there as well. I come from a family of outspoken women. I didn’t know that when you are molded and formed into a woman and you go into the workforce that you have to learn to Shut The Fuck Up. They don’t care about you or your artistry or even your safety for that matter. It’s irrelevant to the people- the men- writing your paycheck. They want you to do what they want you to do… And I get it now. It’s all just business right? I burned… well not burned, but struck a match with some “collaborators” …But that’s the thing about growing up- knowing when and when not to give your opinion. And did you know that most people don’t want to hear your opinion? Even when you’re right?!.... I’m a Virgo… I’m working on it…
Dance or club music starts to slowly fade in
JoyBoy’s makeup is fully wiped of their face, revealing Joy-Marie
Especially when you aren’t in any type of power. And I’m not. I hold no power.
…..I used to think I was gonna be a freedom fighter or some shit. Like I was gonna trail blaze dance the way that Nina Simone did with music or some shit…. Ha! Chile… I really moved like that though… in all aspects of my life. I used to move! I used to really…move…
The dance music is at it’s full volume now
Joy-Marie starts to dance as if no one is watching
They are dancing for the love of it
For the pleasure
To release and express for no one other than herself